Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Graduate and Male Obliviousness



So there is this girl, I'll call her the Graduate. Initially I was really excited to make a run at her cause 1) she is absolutely adorable, 2) we have some very strong mutual interests, 3) and finally as a single BYU grad, she should be just itching to get married.

We went to dinner and it was fine. Not real exciting or anything, just fine. I would give it a solid "B". I was still definitely interested enough in her to want to try another date. The problem was that our post-date interactions were pretty tepid. Her texts replies were slow and sparse. I immediately took that to mean that she's not that interested and I decide to go on my merry way, NBD. A week later I run into her and she is super friendly. I of course take this as a opening to ask her on another date. I mean, I would assume that if she didn't want go on another date with me, she wouldn't be so unnecessarily friendly.

So we go on another date and its maybe a little better than the first, “B+” material. Afterward I get the same lukewarm signs from her. I really don’t know what to think, so I decide to just let it go. I’m not that attached to her anyways. Then last week I run into her yet again (I really didn’t run into her that often before our 1st date). Surprisingly, she is still overly friendly and even invites me to a party! I still don’t think I’ll ask her out again, but this experience reminded me of my (and most boys’) inability to know girls’ feelings.

Girls have entirely too much confidence in our abilities to pick up their little signals. Once I was surprised to learn that my friend Katie had been in love with me in high school, I had never picked up on it. “She still has a huge crush on you”, a mutual friend told me. On that same night, I hung out with Katie. I really tried to pick up any sign that she liked me, but I got nothing. It just seemed like another friendly hang out.

So instead of just saying that girls need to be obvious for their dull male counterparts, I have a list of things girls have done that I actually took as a sign that they are interested in me.

1.      Invited me to a lot of stuff. Game nights, dinners, movie nights. Just one time, and they can’t just invite my whole apartment. If you want it to be understood, it needs to be more individualized.
2.      Texting: Replying super promptly and super often.
3.      Joking that I should ask them on a date.
4.      Asking me to make-out with them. Obviously this could mean they are either interested in me or just a mouth whore like I am, but generally guys like to think (and will think) that you just like us.
5.      Even better, not even asking and just going straight to macking me.
6.      Excessive touching (besides the mouth to mouth kind mentioned above). I mean unnecessarily lingering hugs, rubbing my foot with theirs under the dinner table, grabbing my hand while walking, cuddling up to me during a movie. 

This is the stuff I and my brethren take as signs that girls like us. Anything less and it is gray area. That doesn’t mean all these things actually mean girls like us and it certainly doesn’t mean if girls do these things everything will work out. I wouldn’t even suggest doing most of these things. All I am saying is that if any of this goes down, we’ll think the girl wants our bod. Anything else, and it going to be the usual self-doubting muddle to mutual understanding, which many people seem to prefer anyway.

On a side note, if you don’t want a guy to think you like him, do not under any circumstances do any of these things. You’ve been warned.


1 comment:

Elizabeth Downie said...

Wow - those are all such STRONG signals! Basically the girl is being as obvious as possible. Anything less than that is gray area? That's pretty funny. I'll have to remember that.