Sunday, March 17, 2013

Courtesans and Third Wheels




My apartment always has what we call “Courtesans”. That sounds harsh, but let me explain. They are girls that hang out at our apartment all the time, but that no one is dating or taking on dates. We have found that inevitably many of these semi-permanent residents of our front room will be made-out with on some lonely night or another. It’s not all NCMO’s and saturnalias though. Some are actually asked on dates or even seriously dated. Once that happens they cease being a courtesan.  Usually after a while of no one asking them out (or after someone macks with them) they disappear, but there always seems to be the next group ready to fill the vacancy. 

In the current group there is one girl, Sandy, that has piqued my interest. She’s cute and fun to hang out with. Even better, no one has macked her yet. Recently I had 2 tickets to a show and needed someone to go with. So I call Sandy up and ask her to go with me. She says yes and everything is good. A few days before the date, I am sitting in our front room with Sandy and my roommate Hank. We start talking about the show and Hank (being a Five-star wingman and trying to help me out) starts telling Sandy how awesome it is and how much he loved it when he went. Sandy then does the unthinkable. She invites Hank to come with us! It wasn’t, “oh Hank should bring a date and we’ll double.” It was “OMG, Hank you should come with us and all 3 of us will go together.”  There was an important distinction between those two statements.

Freaking chick was trying to get a third-wheel for our date! I don’t drive no tricycle!  Hank immediately turns to me with a look of shock and confusion. He kind of laughs and says, “I don’t know about that.” For the first few seconds it seemed like she could be joking, but it soon became clear that she wasn’t. “Why not?” she asks poor Hank. At that point I decide to take over and tell her that it is a great idea and that I’ll into getting an extra ticket for him. Hank looks at me even more confused and I just smile at him so he goes with it. 

Later when she is gone our whole apartment weighs in on the situation. We can think of three possible explanations:


  1. She is really into Hank and by having him join our date was her way of letting him know that. Although none of us, especially Hank, had ever thought she liked him before.
  2. She just doesn’t want to date me, so she tries to make our date a devil’s threesome, thereby discouraging me from ever asking her out again.
  3. She didn’t realize this was a real paired off date and failed to see the extreme awkwardness of inviting Hank. We are constantly doing stuff as a group, but I thought it was clear this was different when I originally asked her out over the phone.

Either she likes my roommate, doesn’t like me, or is not too bright. Regardless, I never had any intention of doing what I told her i.e. find an extra ticket for Hank. The next day I tell her that the show is sold out and so we should just wait until we can do something all together with Hank. She then has the balls to say, “Okay, but me and you are still doing something together right?” I assure her that some other time we will, but that I’m selling my tickets. Of course that’s not the case. I’ll never ask her out again, and Hank and I went to the show together- bro date style. And it was awesome. 


1 comment:

Elizabeth Downie said...

I'm glad you went with "Hank" and not her. I'm glad you're not asking her out again too! I HATE these kinds of games. I hate clueless people who ruin things too. Glad you're not wasting any more time on her.