Saturday, March 2, 2013

Please make it stop

I have a very important thing to talk about today. It is a plague that seems to be growing rapidly, and I can stand idly by no more.

Short hair. On girls. NO BUENO.

My brethren and I die a little when we see a lass with closely chopped hair. I cannot stress this enough. We do not like it. I have never met a guy who likes it. I've met guys who liked gingers, latinas, black girls, asian girls, plump girls, super tall girls, skinny-as-a-bean-pole girls, gap in the front teeth girls, lazy left eye girls, but never have I met a guy who prefers drastically short hair on girls. If you have short hair and your man says he likes it, he is lying. What he really means is that he likes you, even if you have short hair, but he would prefer you grow that stuff out.

I am mostly talking about really short hair. Some girls can pull of "shorter hair", but I would say that no girl looks better with short hair or even shorter hair. We don't want to be dating a Smiley Cyrus look alike or a Prostitution Anne Hathaway. We like to A) to be able to play with and run our fingers through your hair and B) to be able to pick you out of a crowd of dudes.

But don't just take my (and every other guy's I've ever talked to about this) word for it. I have evidence to put forward based the girls I know (Named have be replaced with letters to protect the innocent butches).

  • Girl A always complained about not getting a date until she let her hair grow her out and BAM! Boyfriend. 3 months later BAM! Engaged (what? its BYU)
  • Girl B was pursued by my roommate Hank, she cut her hair really short, and the chase was over.
  • Girl C has a long term boyfriend she told everyone she was in love with. Cut her hair short. He wants to take a break. (I don't know the dude well, but I'm guessing hair played a big part in his decision)
  • Girl D is a friend of our apartment and over all the time. She's a fun girl but none of us would touch her with a 50 foot pole. We look through her old FB pics and there is one of her with long hair, several of us deem her a cute (atleast in the picture)
  • Girl E cuts her hair super short and her cat immediately dies. 

See! The purely anecdotal evidence is overwhelming! You cut your hair short and bad things will happen to you!

All joking aside, you can do whatever you want with your hair, its your body. That is not my or any boy's decision make. I'm just saying if you want to do that with your body, no boy is going to want to do anything with your body.

(All sufferers of illness and disease that causes you to have short hair or no hair, you are exempt, you are beautiful as is)

1 comment:

Elizabeth Downie said...

Ha! This is interesting. I've heard this complaint from many a guy.