Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Date Rate

Have you ever gone on a date with someone totally clueless? And have you ever wanted to tell your date exactly what they were doing wrong but you couldn't because of silly "social norms" or nonsense like that. Well good new! Now you can!

You just fill out one of these bad boys immediately afterwards and send it to your date. Personally, I love getting feedback and improving myself (I will be handing these out after all my dates). Let us all help fight clueless dating together!



Date Rate Form
Your Date’s Name:

              



First Impression:

Please Circle One For Each Criteria

Worst                                                                                     Best                
Length
1
Marathon (please-kill-me-know) 43 hours long date
2
3
4
5
Not too long,  Not too short,
 Just right
Dress
1
Looked like a homeless clown (but not in a cute
hipster way)
2
3
4
5
Insert name of very fashionable celebrity of your choice
Hygiene
1
Medieval peasants probably bathed more than them
2
3
4
5
Their body was clean enough to eat off of
Smell
1
Smelt like a used diaper filled with Indian food.
2
3
4
5
So delicious, you wanted to jump their bones
Suggest your personal favorite cologne/perfume:
Conversation
1
Literally did not speak the same language
2
3
4
5
Literally skipped the meal and activity to just talk until 4 A.M.
Humor
1
Uhh not funny
2
3
4
5
Almost as funny as the creator of this form
Activity
1
Water boarding
2
3
4
5
The opposite of waterboarding
Manners
Please check any mistakes that apply:
__ Didn’t open your door
__ Opened your door but you are a male and/or a feminist
__ Called you a fine piece of A$%
__ Didn’t say please and thank you
__ Was late
__ Didn’t walk in between you and traffic, except when crossing the street when that is physically notimpossible not to do

Kissing (if applicable)
1
Like kissing your mom, if she were a Saint Bernard
2
3
4
5
It was like the 4th July in your mouth
Please check any mistake that applies:
__ Too much tongue
__ Not enough tongue
__ Too Open
__ Too Closed
__ Too Stiff
__ Too much grunting
__ Overly aggressive wandering hands
__ Not enough wandering hands
Other turn-ons:

Other turn-offs:

Overall impression:

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Unripe Strawberries Or Why Freshmen Girls?



I went on a blind date last night (the anticipation of which was the inspiration for my last post). I would give the date a solid B-. She was super cute and outgoing -- both good things on a date. Unfortunately it quickly became clear that we were not on the same maturity level, which makes it sound like she made crude jokes while I rolled me eyes haha. If anything it was the opposite, she seemed so naïve and innocent, too naïve and innocent. I like my girls more sophisticated and experienced. Of course halfway through the date I discover she is a freshman. Well that explains things. 

This date reminded me of a major problem at BYU that I have heard so many girls complain and ask about. Namely, “Why do some many guys date freshmen girls (a.k.a. any girl younger than me)?” 20 year-old juniors complain about the 18 year-old freshman girls, the 25yr-olds complains about 21 year-old girls, and so on. Deep down I think every girl asking the question knows the answer, it’s just a little brutal and they want a different answer.  I will explain, but if you don’t want to know, stop reading.

Basically it comes down to the fact that younger girls are cuter on average. Or more exactly, there are more young single cute girls than older single cute girls. Which makes sense right? Generally, the more attractive you are, the more you will be pursued, and the more you are pursued, the more likely you are to find someone suitable and settle down. That is just a sad fact of life, especially for girls. Sorry ladies. 

So where as maybe 90% of cute girls are available when they start as freshmen, each year that percentage drops dramatically. A guy finds a girl attractive, makes sure she’s single, and then attacks. It just so happens that a large portion of those attacked single attractive girls are younger. 

It creates this horrible situation. For example, my family has a garden and one year we planted strawberries.  Someone, (I swear my little sister), started eating the strawberries before they were fully ripe. My dad was enraged and told everyone to wait till they were ripe. The next day more strawberries were gone; my two brothers had jumped on the unripe-strawberry-eating-bandwagon. Now at this point, there were barely any strawberries left! What did I do? I scarfed those puppies down while I still had the chance. 

Were the unripe strawberries very good? No. Was it better than not eating any strawberries? HALES YES! My dad, the total sucker, was of course pissed that he didn’t get any. 

What I am trying to say is, there is a lot of unripe strawberry eating going on at BYU, but no one wants to be the sucker that didn’t get any / dies alone. 

Other factors that contribute to the problem:

  • Freshmen girls are soooo easy to impress, it’s like they don’t know enough to figure out if we are losers or not haha.
  • The lack of emotional baggage is kinda refreshing. Older girls carry all their past relationships with them, creating new rules and requirements after each their break-ups. It can make a girl really picky and emotionally hung up.


All that being said, I personally never (knowingly) ask out freshwomen, and I much prefer having a relationship with a smart, capable and more mature strawberry. Many guys I know are the same way. We are, after all, well aware of the stigma attached to dating freshies. The problem is we are only going to ask out girls we find attractive, so unless they come out during the next general conference saying that no girls can get married until they are 25, the problem will persist.

Monday, April 8, 2013

My 5 Simple Rules For Blind Dates



This semester I've seriously had a new blind date proposed to me every week. It is like everyone gave me four months of being single and now they are falling all over themselves trying to get me hitched. Roommates, aunts, cousins, single lady friends, married friends, single male co-workers, everybody wants to play matchmaker. Really they are just trying to help and I can’t complain, but I can have some ground rules.

My rules for blind dates:
  1. I have to check the girl out on Facebook to make sure I could potentially be attracted to her. It just saves everyone time and honestly this as far as a lot of potential dates get. No offense, but pretty much ever girl thinks their roommates are “super cute”. Well, hate to break it to you, but many times I do not agree.
  2. I also want the girl to get a look at me on Facebook before agreeing to the date (I’m all about gender equality). If the girl doesn’t like what she sees (and she always likes what she sees) then I would prefer she bow out.
  3. I generally don’t accept blind date recommendations from fellow bachelors. If this girl is so great why aren’t they pursuing her? Personally when I know a cute awesome single girl, I’m not giving out her number to my guy friends. I’m keeping that crap to myself. It's the crazy girls whose numbers I give out. (No judging, its every man for himself out here)
  4. No expectations are allowed. I hate having to explain to the matchmaker that although their niece/roommate/old mission companion/co-worker/daughter is a very sweet girl, I am not interested in dating them. It’s just awkward.
  5. If the door opens and she is wearing suspenders, the date is over. I actually did go on a blind date with a girl wearing suspenders, its an experience I hope to never repeat. Hence the rule.
  6. Unless it is really really good date, I’m not asking her out again. It’s just hard to keep something going with a blind date, so I usually won’t put in the extra effort.
Despite all these rules, I still go on an occasional blind date, if only so I don’t end up like this guy.

 You should probably stop watching at the 1:10 mark, just trust me on this one.