Monday, July 1, 2013

Hand Holding Compatibility

I finally held The Roommate's hand (and then some). Unfortunately it was when we started holding hands that I realized that we were irredeemably incompatible. Which really sucks because I really liked her for awhile there and had already imagined our future children (3 sons 1 daughther) and maybe even given them some of them hypothetical first names (Hansel, Bronsel, Fransel, and Esmeralda). 

And although it is quite sad that little Bronsel will never be born, there are some things I cannot abide. One of them is being hand holding incompatible. No I am not talking about cupped hands vs. interlocked fingers (although in my opinion the cupped hands technique should be reserved for mitten season). I am talking about trying to hold hands with a girl whose hands look like those of this shirtless fellow below.

If you don’t get it, count again

Let’s just say, The Roommate Girl was very good at counting to 12 as a little girl. Really I blame myself for not catching this earlier.  All the signs are there, she's a SINGLE 21yrold super hot girl in Provo, she's genuinely nice and humble, and she plays the piano and guitar like you wouldn't believe. If that doesn’t scream hand freak of nature, I don’t know what does.  

Okay, maybe she doesn’t have extra fingers, but we are hand holding incompatible. Why? Take a look at this diagram below.

Everyone is either Left-Thumbed or Right-Thumbed. Your hands just naturally go one way and feel horribly awkward the other way. If two people are Left-Thumbed (my orientation) or Right-Thumbed then they are compatible hand holders, but if a couple has one person Right and one person Left-Thumbed they are not compatible hand holders and destined for romantic ruin. It’s that simple.

I am just heading off that romantic ruin at the pass and saving everyone involved from future pain. I’m sure Roommate girl will understand when I show her this diagram and explain everything during the DTR I plan to ambush her with (you always want to go with the ambush DTR so your counterpart is left speechless, if only one person is speaking the DTRs tend to go a lot faster and the only thing worse than a DTR is a long DTR).

Wish me luck!

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