Monday, July 15, 2013

Out Of Control Provo Dates

The social scene in Utah Valley has several idiosyncrasies, but one of my favorites (in that I love how funny it is, but actually I am really sick of it) is the peculiar Provo Dates. What is a Provo Date? Let me describe a perfect Provo Date for you. You might want to close your eyes to help you visualize this one. While you're at it, if you could put on an EFY or Jericho Road CD as well, that might help with the visualization.  OK, here we go:

The boy picks up the girl (he opens her car door of course) and he takes her to Deseret Industries (aka DI). There they pick out formal evening wear for each other (the funkier the better). From there they drive up the canyon (now wearing the recently purchased clothes) where a jigsaw puzzle awaits them. Together they have to solve the puzzle in order to get clues for the scavenger hunt. Each item they find during the scavenger hunt is an ingredient for their 3 course meal for later that evening (and since all the items can be found naturally in the forest its all freeeee!). After finding all the dead squirrels, lemon grass and bark they need, the couple drives back to Provo to prepare the meal in the boy's apartment (saving even more money!) Meal preparations complete, they go to a table (set with the finest linens and dishes that can be purchased from Walmart and returned the next day) in a gondola floating in the local apartment pool. Taking their seats, the lovely couple eat their meal while a roommate acts as waiter (an unpaid volunteer of course, he's a great wing man). Finally the boy drives the girl home. But before they reach the girl's door, the boy pulls out a guitar from behind a large rock (and who put that huge rock there? Idk. Who put that guitar there? The boy of course -8 hours earlier in case the date is going good and the moment is right.) Well the moment is right, so the boy does a half-decent guitar and singing rendition of "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan
. At this point the boy is wondering if he should just go ahead and propose to the girl. After all, this is their second date and he is already on one knee from playing the song. He even has a ring he keeps on him for emergencies. But instead he decides to play it cool and forgo proposing. This disappoints the girl who was secretly hoping he would. They both settle on a chaste side hug and call it a night.

That my friends is a Provo Date. 8 hours of break neck romantic action all for under $20 bucks. Thrifty! But seriously the dates that people plan in Provo are ridiculous. Its like an G-rated version of a date from the Bachelor show planned by a crack addict TV exec high on laughing gas.

People use the word "Creative" to describe these dates, I prefer the word "Stupid".

I must confess though. When I was first at BYU, I tried to plan "Creative" dates like the cool kids (the above described Provo Date might have been taken from personal experience). I have since learned the error of my ways and gone with more normal non-Provo Date dates.

Do girls like these crazy dates? I know us boys are not planning Provo Dates because we want to eat homemade squirrel on a gondola while in thrift-ed formal wear. On the contrary, its actually a lot of unwanted pressure and stress for us to plan out a creative date (I even know some guys who have passed on asking out a girl because they couldn't think of anything creative to do). We must be doing it because we think girls want it. Personally I have girls falling all over me whether I do Provo style dates or normal dates, but I'm not a good example because of how dreamy I am i.e. girls will want me either way. Girls must be encouraging the rank and file guy to be creative in their date planning. Its created this arms race of creativeness that ultimately results in the perfect Provo Date. Do we really want that? I think not.

So whatever you ladies are doing, just stop it! Stop it!

Either that or please explain to me why a guy being able to plan a date where you rent a puppy to play with while skydiving down to Chili's (sadly there is no parachute for the puppy) and then tandam bike home is soooo attractive or is better at determining who should be your Eternal Companion. Please and Thank you.


Anonymous said...

I'm a BYU guy and I used to think it was important to plan these "creative dates" to get a girl to prefer me over the other guys that ask her out. I agree that there are guys who forego asking a girl out because they can't think of anything creative (or even fun) to do on a date. I've been one of those guys and I have other friends that have also done that. It's as if you have to do things to stand out or else the girl will think you're boring and won't give you the time of day ever again.

Anonymous said...

I'm a BYU girl and I find those "creative" types of dates super annoying and stupid as well. Just take the girl out for dinner and get to know her. If you need to spend more than a healthy sleeping amount of time to "stand out" to her on one date, she isn't the one.

Anonymous said...

Hey BYU girl, I'm the BYU guy that commented before you did. Wanna go out to dinner and get to know each other?