Sunday, September 8, 2013

Five Second or Less

I noticed something about myself today during church. Arriving a few minutes early, I took my seat and kinda zoned out. Every so often a girl would enter the room and I (newly on the prowl) would of course check her out. After all, this is a new ward and I'm still trying to figure out what kind of selection this ward offers.

Okay none of these things were a revelation to me, I already knew that I looked around and checked out the dating prospects when in a new ward (as everyone does, you can't tell me otherwise). What I discovered about myself was that I completed this process with surprising speed. It only took me literally five seconds or less to evaluate a girl (I know what you are thinking, "What efficiency!" "What great visual evaluation skills!").

So when I check out a girl, I automatically put her into one of four groups:

1. Unicorns: "Have my babies." These are the girls that I am so attracted that I automatically know I want to go on a date with them. No need to talk to them first. But as the name suggests, this a very rare breed indeed. (less than 1% of the female population)

2. Curiosities: "Well hello there." I like what I see and want to investigate further. This my bread and butter. These are the girls I am usually interested in, flirting with, and eventually asking out on a day-to-day basis. (Maybe 5%)

3. Invisibles: "......" Basically these girls are not really on my radar. The first time I saw them it didn't really pique my interest, but it didn't turn me off either. (~20%)
4. Spirits of Sweetness:  "No thanks." I have already decided in those first few seconds that I am not going to be interested in them. (66%)

Even more brutal is the movement between the groups, because membership in a group is not a life sentence. Overwhelming the movement among the groups is downward. For example, I accidentally have an actual conversation with a Unicorn and it turns out she doesn't have two IQ points to rub together. That's going to move her down. I see a Curiosity a few more times and decide that I'm not that attracted to her after all. Down she goes. Upward movement is so much more rare.

Is it horrible that I think I like this? Is it horrible I so quickly assign girls to these groups?

Heck no, I am just figuring out who I want to date and who I don't want to date. Who else does this? Oh that's right, everyone. Just because I have examined my thought processes, and named and quantified everything doesn't make it horrible. It just makes it introspective.

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