Sunday, November 10, 2013

Mistaken As A Boy's Girlfriend's Boyfriend


So just to set the stage, I was just walking through the Wilk, minding my own business and out of the corner of my eye, I see a guy pointing at me. But not recognizing him, I am pretty sure he is not actually pointing at me. I do one of those quick look-arounds to see who he was pointing at, but there is no one around. Looking back at him, I realize he is in fact pointing at me. Now I don't get pointed at very often so I wasn't sure what to do next. 
Eventually I decide to approach him slowly. He meanwhile gets up from his table and uh....walks toward me. I hesitate to say walk cuz he is in like full on flex mode as he moves his body toward me. Almost exactly like this picture, only with more clothing. So naturally I start flexing back thinking this is some mating ritual.
 

  As I get right up to him, I suddenly recognize him from a party I went to months ago. He remembers my name and I don't remember his (how embarrassing). Our dialogue:

He says, "You're that one smart guy at the party" (I swear he said that haha)
Me: "Maybe?"
Muscle Man McGee: "When are you done with the ---------- program"
Me:"Uh I graduate this year"
Muscles: "Cool man, you remember that dance party man? That was fun huh?"
Me: "Yeah that was fun"
Muscles: "Hey were you dating Opera at that party?"
Myself: "Oh no, I don't even know if we had gone on a date at that point..."
Muscles:"Oh I thought you guys were dating"
I:"Nope, I was just in her ward. We only ever went on like 1 real date."
Muscles: "You guys keep in touch?"
Me"Uhhh not really"

So I might have been a little misleading with the guy because 1) I certainly had more of a relationship with girl than I was letting on (although we def did not date) and 2) I have been writing her (somewhat). I was hoping that after he found out that I was not a threat he would stop flexing (no dice), I swear that kid was going to pop a blood vessel.

Muscles: "Yeah I thought she was dating me and dating you at the same time and that made me mad." (looking back he was surprisingly nice to me at the party considering he thought I was his girlfriend's boyfriend)
Me: "Nope"
Muscles: "Yeah I was really into her, but she wasn't into me. The first time I asked to her out she turned me down flat...."

At this time a random professor walks by and Muscles stops in mid sentence, tells me, "Don't go anywhere"(its like he knew that I totally would have left had he not specifically instructed me not to do so) and talks to this professor for 10 minutes about their D&C class while I stand there. My favorite part was when they finished the conversation and the professor does this to me:
I kid you not, the professor lifted his hand up in a freaking claw. Not in a "high-five" or "fist-bump" configuration, but in some freaky-deaky half way thing. What the heck do you do in response to a claw? Riddle me that. Well being the true bro that I am, I was not about to leave him hanging, so I do a quick mini high-five to his palm, avoiding his curled fingers all together. He accepted my response, turned and left without saying another word. Highlight of my day, although now in hindsight I kinda wish I had interlocked fingers with him.

And with that Muscles continues on about how Opera contacted him after she broke up with her fiance, and how it took her so long to respond to his text, and how he had a system where every five days he would call or text her and how after 2 weeks she finally called him back (the system works!). On the first date he thinks he could have kissed her and he wanted to kiss her (been there, done that), but he didn't cuz he was confused. The dance party was after that and that was going to be the make or break for him (although apparently not). But because he thought Opera were dating me and snubbing him, he decided not to talk to her again. (Whew! This is a lot of unsolicited info from a complete stranger (and rival to boot!))

He went on to tell me about his love of opera (the music, the not the girl) and about the horrible achne on his back. It was really a great conversation for everyone involved. No wait on second thought, it was the weirdest freaking conversation of my life.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I totally know who Opera is! There are tons of great women on missions worth waiting for, they're only going to come back better. And they love getting letters.

Elizabeth Downie said...

People are weird.