Sunday, February 23, 2014

Valentine's Day Epiphany

So Valentine's day happened.

I was talking to my coworker earlier that week and he mentioned that he still needs to think of something good to do for his wife for Valentines day. I remarked that I am always glad when I'm single on Valentine's day, because it means no pressure or effort required from me. He thought that was funny, because the stereotype is to be sad if you are alone on Valentine's day.

At that moment, I realized that I now fundamentally look at relationships as a source of stress and work (which they are). I am hyper-aware of how hard they are. My first thoughts never are on the benefits or the support that comes from relationships.

Pretty sure that explains why I've been single for this last year. Probably not the most healthy mindset to have....

In other news, sometimes I'm scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I see a picture of a girl, and she is looking all hot and glamorous, and the pic has over 100 likes and 20 comments fawning all over her, and I think to myself (with a totally straight poker face): "I totally made out with her". Then without giving it another second of thought, I write in the comment section under the pic, "I totally made out with her". Then a few minutes later my comment is gone. Then a few seconds later I'm no longer Facebook friends with the girl.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

A Game Of Communication Chicken

Remember the Inquisitor? I ended up asking her out again. And again. And again. And again. I hate to go all stereotypical BYU couple on you guys, but we've been together pretty much everyday these last few weeks. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about her.

Okay so that's all a lie. I eat like a hobbit and sleep like a comatose baby. I did ask her on 2 more dates though. And they were both fine. Nothing too exciting or blog worthy.

The thing is, after 3 dates things change. I can't just keep on going on casual fun dates, not at BYU. I need to start deciding what direction I want to steer this ship: toward the cove of relationship bliss, or into the rocks of death. Its like a mini internal DTR I go through after getting past the 3 date mark (I've learned that it is best to be prepared at this point in case the girl springs a real life DTR on me).

So I weighed the pros and cons.

Pros:
  1. I am very attracted to her
  2. She seems like a genuinely sweet and kind person
Cons:
  1. She might be too shy for me.
  2. Doesn't seem like that sophisticated of a thinker.
  3. Not exactly sure if our senses of humor mesh.
So the Cons seem bad, but I couldn't help but thinking that maybe those concerns would be resolved given a little more time to get to know each other and get comfortable with each other.

Another thing that bothered me was that she never seemed to initiate anything. Like I get that girls are shy or playing coy or whatever. That's perfectly fine at first, but after awhile I need a little more reciprocation (I'll go 90% but you gotta give me that last 10%). The funny thing is she accepted all my date invitations and seemed super excited anytime I called. She would always responded quickly and enthusiastically to any text or snap-chats I sent her (if that doesn't mean someone likes you I don't know what does).

But she never invited me to do something, called me, or even started a text conversation. Bizarre, even for a super shy girl like she. So I decided to do an experiment. After that 3rd date I decided to play a game of communication chicken. I would not be the first one to call/text/visit her. Instead I was going to wait for her to do it.

Well....its been almost two weeks and nothing haha. Its to the point now where it would be awkward for her (or even me) to start communicating again. If she didn't do it within the first few days, I just know she would start assuming something was wrong and that I didn't like her. And if I can't get her to initiate anything when she thought I was interested, there is no way she will now. And just like that, the ship has crashed into rocks of death.

I'm not sad at all, which actually in a weird ways makes me really happy with the result.

Sunday, February 2, 2014