Sunday, April 27, 2014

Graduation and Other News

I graduated! No more Testing Center(Although I actually have a lot of fond memories of crushing tests in there)! No more more walking to class through the snow and only regaining feeling in my face halfway through class! No more cleaning checks! No more flirting with the girl who does the cleaning checks in order to pass the cleaning checks (Pro tip)! I'm out of here suckers!

The Office


Okay, so I'm actually staying in Provo for the rest of the summer (in between all my travels). But then, I'm really out of here.

Its funny, when I first got back from my mission my mindset was that I'll have to get married before I leave BYU or else I would be screwed haha. For all I know, that could be still true, but I am a lot less concerned about it now that its actually happening. I'm not sure if my lessened concern is due to a denial to the reality that I'm screwed, an acceptance of the reality that I'm screwed, or possibly a maturation of my thought process that makes me now think that I don't need to married at this point of my life, that I can be happy alone, and that this extra time being single will allow me to better understand myself and grow as an individual and work on being a better me, and all that crap.

In other news, Hot Angry and her new boyfriend (Mr. Eskimo Brother) now attend my ward together, and aren't they the most affectionate couple you ever did see. They also go to all our ward social events. Which by extension of course means I don't go to any of my ward social events. And wait! There's more! We are both staying in this ward over the summer. So, I got that going on for me, which is nice.


Sunday, April 20, 2014

That's one way to end a conversation

My poor uncle (always at least a week behind in the family gossip department) texted me earlier this week.

Him: "Congrats! I hear you are finally dating someone again, give me the details!"

Me: "Yes! His name is Brian and its going great! Thanks for your support!"

He didn't text anymore. I didn't either. I feel a little bad.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

The Most Dramatic Week Of My Life


What a week. Let’s break it down.

Sunday night: I’m feeling pretty good about everything - school, life, global warming, Roseanne Barr, you name it, but I was especially feeling good about HotAngry.  I wasn't going to see her until Tuesday night and I wanted to have our DTR in person (it of course would have been super convenient to have it over text or phone, but I’m a classy gentleman who has his DTRs in person) so I plan that all out ahead of time, complete with a cute way to ask her to be my girlfriend.

Monday: We were having this fun ongoing text conversation throughout the day when she mentions that her ex-boyfriend stopped by to give her something. 

wwe animated GIF

Okay, let's take a time out. Is that a little sketchy? Yes. But let's consider all the facts:

  • We are not actually officially dating yet (one more day!)
  • Its been several months since they broke up and she says they don’t even talk to each other anymore
  • She volunteered the info to me, so she is at least being open and forthright
  • She was quite adamant that it was absolutely nothing at all and that I should trust her and that she really likes me (well that pretty much sold me right there)

It did not appear to be a situation that I needed to worry about or overreact to. So I did not.

Tuesday: This was the big day, we were going to finally be official. I couldn't wait to get to her apartment after work. The first thing I said to her was "We need to talk" (I instantly regretted my choice of words). But before I could go any further, she launched into her own confession. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend came over again that day, and they talked for a little bit. I'm thinking to myself "Well this is concerning but still salvageable". Oh wait, he also kinda kissed her. Her words "kinda kissed me". 

What!?

Very interesting choice of words.

What do you mean "kinda kissed" you? Was it a kiss or not? Did your lips physically touch his lips? Its pretty simple concept. 

And why are you putting it in the passive voice? Did he pin you down and force you to kiss him? Or did he merely initiate and you went along? 

At this point she starts saying she's just confused. And then she starts crying. Oh brother. 

Upsetting. To say the least.

I really don't know what to do. I tell her "I really don't know what to do", and then after a little bit of half-hearted consoling as she continues to cry, I tell her I'm gonna leave her alone. Let me know if you figure things out.

Normally I would not put up with this crap. Normally I would just bail, but I really like this girl. 

Wednesday: I don't talk to her all morning. In the afternoon, she texts me saying that she talked her ex-bf (my new Eskimo brother) and that she's not confused any more and that she wants to date me and she is never going to talk to Mr. Eskimo brother again. 

Napoleon-dynamite

Success! I have been tried and I have come out conqueror. She tells me to come over as soon as I get home. You know what that means. Celebratory make out sessions for everyone!

Thursday: A sore tongue and a lack of sleep not withstanding, I am feeling pretty good about life again. 

Until that afternoon, when I was at work and she texts me saying that she is "confused" again. Never fear, I calmly took it all in stride.


At this point I am going bananas, straight up bonkers. WHAT IS THIS GIRL'S FREAKING PROBLEM?

I know I should just bow out, but I can't, I just can't. I'm hooked now and I'm still hoping to make things work with her.

Friday: The morning comes all to soon. I get ready for class and head out my door, only to instantly come back into my apartment. She's out there! With HIM!. Literally in the walk way right outside my apartment is HotAngry and Mr.Eskimo Brother (It was easy to recognize him after stalking him for hours on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+ ( and yes that's right, I was so desperate I looked him up on Google+, and no I'm not proud of it). Anyways I don't think they saw me. At least they didn't react like they saw me, cuz they just continue on talking in that same spot, not a care in the world. Now this is awkward. I am trapped in my own apartment. There is no way I am walking out my front door, giving them a little wave and just being like "don't mind me, just headed off to class, carry on". I REALLY need to go to this particular class though. At the same time, I REALLY want to watch this interaction play out.

So I watch. Of course I watch, who wouldn't watch? I'm about to graduate anyways, school be damned. At first it was pretty innocent, they talk for what seems like forever. HotAngry actually lives right next to me and part of me wants them to go inside and part of me wants them to stay outside so I can see what happens. Eventually he pulls her in for a hug. Then they talked some more. Then he pulls her in close. Then they kiss a little. Then they kiss a little bit more. Then they are full on making out, while I'm 10 feet away, looking through the blinds.

Jim Carrey Puking

I literally gag a little bit. 

The funny thing is she still texts me later that day asking if I want to hang out. Unbelievable. Just for fun, I send her text telling her "Thanks for making your decision in the most clear way possible. In fact, you making out with _____ right in front with my window is probably is the best way I can think of delivering your message. Congratulations on becoming unconfused!" And I end it with like a hundred smiley faces, just out of spite. Of course she plays dumb and asks what I am talking about. But I've stopped responding at this point. Then she apologizes and says she can explain. Screw your explanations woman! She keeps texting and calling. I keep not answering. 

Saturday/Sunday: She continues calling, texting, and even coming over to my place, but I am not having it. I"M NOT HAVING IT, YOU HEAR ME!!!

Good thing I have have this blog to vent my frustrations right? Well if you will excuse me....



Sunday, April 6, 2014

Why Its So Hard Having A Hot Girlfriend

Okay so HotAngry and I are not technically dating and so she's not technicallymy girlfriend....yet. Things are going great, but because we both have been super busy with school and work stuff, and because my family was in town last weekend and her family is in town this weekend (and its little too early for meeting parents) we have not be able to hang out as much as we would have liked. Consequently we have not been able to have a DTR to make things official (it's not an "avoiding it" thing, its purely a " have not seen each other" thing). I'm not really worried though its basically understood at this point.

Which brings me back to the topic of this post: the hardships of having a hot girlfriend. Every guy thinks they want a hot girlfriend, but few actually know, and much less consider all the negatives. A common analogy is buying a very expensive car that needs frequent and costly upkeep. Although generally true, I'm not even talking about that (HotAngry has been really good on that front....so far haha).

I'm talking about other dudes. I've had hot girlfriends before that you can tell other guys are eyeing and that get hit on when your not around. It was never a problem though, it was actually a kind of weird affirmation/compliment. But with HotAngry its like a whole other ballgame. She gets hit on CONSTANTLY. She always tells me about it too, which is alright I guess, but because we are not "exclusive" yet, it's a little stressful. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to have this DTR. I've never wanted to have DTR so bad in my life. I am so DTDTR (Down To DTR).

It doesn't stop there though, multiple time guys have hit on her while we were together. If we go back to the car analogy, this is like a owning a really expensive car, and having people constantly try to steal it - while you are driving it. One time, while clearly on a date, we were walking from my car (the real one, not the analogy one) to the restaurant and a guy walking the opposite direction (I kid you not) says, "Dang you're hot, can I have your number?"

what animated GIF


I was dumbfounded. Are you serious? Who does that? Like I understand the whole taking a shot because you never know blah blah blah, but when the girl is on a date with another guy? What was he hoping would happen? For her to look at him, then look at me, then back to him, then pull out a mirror to look at herself, and finally back to him and then be like "you know what, I think I will give you my number, and could I also go home with you?" The other weird thing was that this dude was tiny. I must have had like 12 inches and 100lbs on him. I could have wrecked you! (Do you even lift? Get on my level! and other masculine sayings).

We actually just silently kept on walking. It's happened multiple times now and I still don't know how to react to it.

On the bright side, these fools are about as good at stealing cars (the analogy ones, not the real ones) as this guy: