Sunday, April 13, 2014

The Most Dramatic Week Of My Life


What a week. Let’s break it down.

Sunday night: I’m feeling pretty good about everything - school, life, global warming, Roseanne Barr, you name it, but I was especially feeling good about HotAngry.  I wasn't going to see her until Tuesday night and I wanted to have our DTR in person (it of course would have been super convenient to have it over text or phone, but I’m a classy gentleman who has his DTRs in person) so I plan that all out ahead of time, complete with a cute way to ask her to be my girlfriend.

Monday: We were having this fun ongoing text conversation throughout the day when she mentions that her ex-boyfriend stopped by to give her something. 

wwe animated GIF

Okay, let's take a time out. Is that a little sketchy? Yes. But let's consider all the facts:

  • We are not actually officially dating yet (one more day!)
  • Its been several months since they broke up and she says they don’t even talk to each other anymore
  • She volunteered the info to me, so she is at least being open and forthright
  • She was quite adamant that it was absolutely nothing at all and that I should trust her and that she really likes me (well that pretty much sold me right there)

It did not appear to be a situation that I needed to worry about or overreact to. So I did not.

Tuesday: This was the big day, we were going to finally be official. I couldn't wait to get to her apartment after work. The first thing I said to her was "We need to talk" (I instantly regretted my choice of words). But before I could go any further, she launched into her own confession. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend came over again that day, and they talked for a little bit. I'm thinking to myself "Well this is concerning but still salvageable". Oh wait, he also kinda kissed her. Her words "kinda kissed me". 

What!?

Very interesting choice of words.

What do you mean "kinda kissed" you? Was it a kiss or not? Did your lips physically touch his lips? Its pretty simple concept. 

And why are you putting it in the passive voice? Did he pin you down and force you to kiss him? Or did he merely initiate and you went along? 

At this point she starts saying she's just confused. And then she starts crying. Oh brother. 

Upsetting. To say the least.

I really don't know what to do. I tell her "I really don't know what to do", and then after a little bit of half-hearted consoling as she continues to cry, I tell her I'm gonna leave her alone. Let me know if you figure things out.

Normally I would not put up with this crap. Normally I would just bail, but I really like this girl. 

Wednesday: I don't talk to her all morning. In the afternoon, she texts me saying that she talked her ex-bf (my new Eskimo brother) and that she's not confused any more and that she wants to date me and she is never going to talk to Mr. Eskimo brother again. 

Napoleon-dynamite

Success! I have been tried and I have come out conqueror. She tells me to come over as soon as I get home. You know what that means. Celebratory make out sessions for everyone!

Thursday: A sore tongue and a lack of sleep not withstanding, I am feeling pretty good about life again. 

Until that afternoon, when I was at work and she texts me saying that she is "confused" again. Never fear, I calmly took it all in stride.


At this point I am going bananas, straight up bonkers. WHAT IS THIS GIRL'S FREAKING PROBLEM?

I know I should just bow out, but I can't, I just can't. I'm hooked now and I'm still hoping to make things work with her.

Friday: The morning comes all to soon. I get ready for class and head out my door, only to instantly come back into my apartment. She's out there! With HIM!. Literally in the walk way right outside my apartment is HotAngry and Mr.Eskimo Brother (It was easy to recognize him after stalking him for hours on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+ ( and yes that's right, I was so desperate I looked him up on Google+, and no I'm not proud of it). Anyways I don't think they saw me. At least they didn't react like they saw me, cuz they just continue on talking in that same spot, not a care in the world. Now this is awkward. I am trapped in my own apartment. There is no way I am walking out my front door, giving them a little wave and just being like "don't mind me, just headed off to class, carry on". I REALLY need to go to this particular class though. At the same time, I REALLY want to watch this interaction play out.

So I watch. Of course I watch, who wouldn't watch? I'm about to graduate anyways, school be damned. At first it was pretty innocent, they talk for what seems like forever. HotAngry actually lives right next to me and part of me wants them to go inside and part of me wants them to stay outside so I can see what happens. Eventually he pulls her in for a hug. Then they talked some more. Then he pulls her in close. Then they kiss a little. Then they kiss a little bit more. Then they are full on making out, while I'm 10 feet away, looking through the blinds.

Jim Carrey Puking

I literally gag a little bit. 

The funny thing is she still texts me later that day asking if I want to hang out. Unbelievable. Just for fun, I send her text telling her "Thanks for making your decision in the most clear way possible. In fact, you making out with _____ right in front with my window is probably is the best way I can think of delivering your message. Congratulations on becoming unconfused!" And I end it with like a hundred smiley faces, just out of spite. Of course she plays dumb and asks what I am talking about. But I've stopped responding at this point. Then she apologizes and says she can explain. Screw your explanations woman! She keeps texting and calling. I keep not answering. 

Saturday/Sunday: She continues calling, texting, and even coming over to my place, but I am not having it. I"M NOT HAVING IT, YOU HEAR ME!!!

Good thing I have have this blog to vent my frustrations right? Well if you will excuse me....



1 comment:

Elizabeth Downie said...

Dang that is awful!! What is her problem? Run, my friend. Keep away from her. She sounds like a selfish piece of work. That sucks.