Sunday, May 4, 2014

Killing Them Softly

Now that I am back on the market, the natives are getting restless. And by that mixed metaphor, I mean that some girls are flirting me up pretty hardcore now that word has traveled that I am single. Maybe word has not traveled so much as people can plainly see the girl I was previously kinda dating is now scratching the back of another dude during Sacrament (should have been my back getting scratched!) and Sunday school (Okay that's just overkill) and Priesthood (Who let her in here?). Okay, so that Priesthood one is a lie.

Anyways these girls are trying to rebound me! Bless their hearts. And they are great girls, they really are. They deserve to be dated the heck out of. The problem is, I have no interest in them. I will not be dating anything out of them, much less the heck out of them. Part of it is that I just don't have a ton of trust in humans with boobs right now (Love you mom!). I was shafted by the last one I got close too. It is a little tempting to hook up with a girl for a self-confidence booster reasons or date a girl just to show that I moved on. But that would be stupid and unfair.

So what to do with all these poor girls touching my upper arm and laughing way to hard at my jokes. They have some budding hope that I will sweep them off their feet. But I will kill that hope, kill it softly, before it can grow. The other option is to not kill the hope and let it kinda half grow as I slowly friend zone them, but that's cruel and I hate doing that to another person. Or I could kill it harshly by being super mean and telling them directly to buzz off. That would also be cruel.

Instead I will ignore them, as nicely as possible.

ron swanson animated GIF

It will take a little bit, but slowly the hope will die, it always does. Its the most humane way to do it (you could say its the lethal injection of romantic hope killers (unless you are from Oklahoma)). I have found that at this stage it is the best way not to hurt peoples feelings and self-confidence. Sad but true.