Sunday, June 1, 2014

Getting My Hand Caught In the Cookie Jar, Again

It's all gone.

All of it.

I do not have two particles of self respect to rub together right now. I got my hand caught in the cookie jar again. DAMN those cookies!

It all started earlier this week. I had just returned from a fabulous vacation and finished the obligatory picture upload to Facebook of my luxurious and exotic trip (of course to message to the world that my life is great and that I do cool things (and maybe that also inadvertently messages that if you are not traveling to such cool places and doing such cool things, your life is crap, who knows?))

I had some news waiting for me back home. It appears that HotAngry had broken up with Mr. Eskimo brother. Well well well. Not only that, but she had also called and texted me several times to let me know that very fact. In reality, ever since KissingGate happened at the end of the semester, she had actually tried to stay in contact and stay.... friends (barf).

Do not worry though readers, I am no fool! I held strong and never responded to her calls or texts. This new news did not dissolve my resolve. HotAngry is dead to me.

But.....a few nights ago she shows up at my apartment (what a stalker right?). She begs me to talk to her. Just give her one last chance to explain everything and then she'll leave me alone she says.

Now at this point, part of my mind was thinking: HAIL NO! Shut the door. Slam it in her face!

But another part of me was thinking: Man she is looking fine, and we REALLY got along for awhile there. And I have like zero other prospects at this point. And she was such a good kisser.

And yet another part of me was thinking: I should buy a boat.

So of course I slammed the door in her face, jumped back on the couch and started googling: "Boats for Sale".

Or at least I wish that's what I had done. Instead what I actually did was agree to go on a walk with her. I couldn't help it, I was too curious, too bored.

So we walked and we talked. Side note: I love me a good walk with a beautiful girl during a summer's night, talking about matters of the heart haha.

Anyways, I was doing soooo good holding strong and standing my ground. Until she just sits down and starts crying. Honestly, I should have seen it coming, but for some reason it took me by surprise. I was not mentally prepared! Not only that, she wouldn't stand up. I wanted to just bail and walk back home but I couldn't leave her on the side of the road. And that's when I made my fatal mistake. I sat next her and tried to comfort her. Rookie move. She instantly threw her arms around me and snuggled up to me. 

Now if you are an attractive girl and you initiate some physical contact with a boy. You have all the powers. All the powers belong to you. I am normally a very logical self controlled dude, but in that moment my logical self controlled mind was replaced with putty, pure putty. It is the weirdest thing to think about in retrospect. 

Needless to say, she was much more persuasive when I was in her literal clutches. I might have even agreed to give her another chance. Yep, I definitely did that. Now does that make me a horrible person? Yes, yes it does. But I'm not going to lie. It was awesome. It was awesome having hope again. Oh man did that feel good! You have to understand, to go from dejection and thinking I was fated to live out my last months in Provo all alone, to being back with a girl that I was soooo into (minus that one episode).....they don't make drugs that strong.

Its true what they say, it feels good to forgive.

I was set. I was back on top. I had graduated, I had my dream job lined up and I had an amazing girl (minus that one little episode). Everything is coming up Milhouse! 

Yesterday, I was talking to my roommate and he asks if HotAngry is still broken up with Mr. Eskimo brother (I had kept my reunion with HotAngry a secret from my roommates out of shame). 

I say: "Yeah, why?"

Roommate: "Oh I saw them kissing in the parking lot." 

Me: "When?" 

Him: "Just now" 

Me: "Like 5 minutes ago just now?"

Him: "Yep"

Alas, I celebrated too early.

19 Reasons Why You Should Never Celebrate Too Early


Elizabeth Downie said...

Kick this girl to the curb once and for all.

Anonymous said...

I should not laugh at you pain, but this post... ROFL!