Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Operation Trampstamp

I knew HotAngry was buttering both sides of the bread (if you know what I mean), but she didn't know that I knew. So that meant I could have some fun.

Not knowing that my roommate had 1) seen her watching the submarine races (if you know what I mean) and 2) told me about it, she invited me over to her apartment to watch a movie (if you know what I mean). I accepted.

All casual like, I asked what she had been up to and if she did anything exciting that day. Part of me was hoping she would come clean and have the decency to fess up. A bigger part of me was hoping she wouldn't so I could DROP THE HAMMER on her.

Wish granted, she did not take the chance to spill the bills (you have to know what I mean with that one). So feeling that I had given her a fair chance to confess, it was time for: Operation Trampstamp.

First I told her that I had been thinking about how glad I was that we were back together. She heartily agreed.

Then I went on to talk about how horrible it was the first time she lied to me and bailed on me for Mr. Eskimo Brother. She didn't have anything to say to that.

So I continued on saying that despite all that, I knew she had promised over and over that this time she was done with him, and would never talk to him again and just wanted to date me. More silence.

I finished by saying that I now trust her 100% and just wanted to move forward and put all that behind us (Laying it on reeeeaalll thick). She meekly replied that she was glad I felt that way.

Anchorman Erection animated GIF

Then silence again for awhile as we sat next to each other on the couch.

After a suitable amount of time I went in with another dagger, saying: "I don't think I could ever forgive you if I had to go through that again" and then "I think I would kill myself". So I never actually said that last part about killing myself thing, that would have been too over the top.

So we sat there in silence. The most awkward of silences. We sat and we sat. But oh readers, how glorious that uncomfortable silence was. It felt so good to bask in the guilt I could feel radiate from her.

Eventually she broke the silence by suggesting we actually watch the movie. That was my cue to get up and head for the door.

Her: "Where you going?"

Me: "I have to leave"

Her: "Why?"

Me: "Because you'll never really be committed to me and you can't stop lying to me" (BAM!)

Her: "Wait I can explain! Blah blah blah......." (At this point she starts bawling, but I was ready this time! I anticipated it and therefore had mentally steeled myself and physically got up from the couch and out of her reach before the water works happened)

Me:"Don't care!"

And out the door I went.

Dolphin Goodbye animated GIF

Now that some time has passed, it was a little bit of a harsh way to end that love triangle of death. I regret being that mean, but just a little bit. I mean, she had it coming.

Operation Trampstamp - Success


Elizabeth Downie said...

Hahaha! She was totally asking for that! I'm so glad you did that. And that last gif is hilarious. Perfect.

Anonymous said...

Wow - best post of the blog...along with all the others. Sur-yus-ly though, grinning ear-to-ear about that sweet, sweet revenge.