Sunday, July 6, 2014

Mormon Bachelorette Canidate Power Rankings

So I am kinda into the Mormon Bachelor/ette, link here. I found their previous seasons entertaining and I am excited for their current one. Right now they are in the process of selecting a Mormon Bachelorette from a group of +20 female candidates. The girl selected will in turn choose from a group of male would-be lovers (who will in turn choose from 2 different pants to wear for the finale), at least in theory.

Actually, before I get any further, let me just say that every woman is a beautiful daughter of God that deserves a perfect man and moreover deserves to be the next Mormon Bachelorette. But I am going to be ranking girls and their potential to be a successful Mormon Bachelorette (just my opinion of course, based off 2 minute videos). If you think that my ranking might make you feel bad or angry, you are free to stop reading. Although, the whole concept of the Mormon Bachelorette is kind of a ranking/judging in a way where there are many losers and few if any winners, and feelings get hurt. All of which makes it more entertaining for us, but we won't get into that.

To make this blog post a little less offensive than it is inherently destined to be (and to save time), I decided to just rank the top 6 candidates (plus a unranked list of dark horses). Some of the things I am looking for: Good looks (who ever it is has to bring all the boys to the yard, and the easiest way to do that is be hot. Let's be honest, we all know how shallow guys are, amiright?). A good personality. The right age range (the first 4 bachelor/ettes were all in the 26 to 30 age range and I doubt they would deviate too much from that formula). Intangibles. Tangibles. Fungibles. Infungibles. And finally Danimals.

Dark horse candidates (in no particular order)

Holly Nelson - Her first reason was she has 20/20 vision. I'm not impressed, I personally have 20/15 vision (get on my level!).

Jenna Gerber - Cute, seems like she would be a super cool girl. That high energy would be good for all those dates. Might be too young. Is she in Tokyo right now? If so I feel like that would be a deal breaker right? Unless its going to be exclusively Skype dates (Now there is an idea!).

Brittany Brown - Seems like she might be a tad crazy, but that double axle though!

Carolyn Banfield - Were going to blog to one song, and one song only!

Mindy Leavitt - I don't have anything to say, I just think she's a dark horse.

Top 6

6.Name: Cassidy Baker

Age: 29

Pros: Cute (enough)! BYU! Teacher of Children!

Cons: History is boring!

My favorite part of her video: I just love the picture of her on the famous Pont des Arts bridge in Paris with all those locks of love, all alone haha.

5. Name: Dani Dutson

Age: 26 (although in the video she says her favorite question is "why are you 24 and still single?")

Pros: She's cute. Teacher of kids = Good mommy potential

Cons: It looks like she owns a small dog, I'm not a fan. She went to UVU.

My favorite part of her video: In the third scene when her hair is blowing in the wind, nice touch.

4.Name: Jessica Frech

Age: 22

Pros: Super cute, great singer, seems like she could be fun, and those dimples

Neutral: Black belt in Karate, although it does make me want to fight her

Cons: With her voice and how she talks, she might be annoying, hard to tell from a video. I have a strict "Never date a girl that wants to be more famous than you" rule. Logistics coming from Nashville might be difficult and she might be too young.

My favorite part of her video: Did I already talk about the dimples?

3. Name: Tiffany Freeze (aka The Ice Queen! haha I'm sorry I had too)

Age: 29

Pros: Seems pretty attractive and possibly cool. Location and Age is right.

Cons: Her affection for cars and shopping remind me of the line from that Good Charolette song - Girls & Boys "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money" haha.

My favorite part of her video: Her fake teaching what I just know is an empty class room at the 0:18 mark

2. Name: Catie Shaw

Age: 25

Pros: Singer, writer, teacher, sand artist - What a resume!

Cons: All spiders should die. Slightly young

My favorite part of her video:
The joke about"big guns". So bad it was good.

1.Name: Jessica Thompson

Age: 31

Pros: She just seems adorable in appearance and mannerisms. Yoga is hot. Has good size dog. Works with children. I love good walkers (Okay I have a little bit of a crush)

Cons: Slightly older than the normal age range. The logistics of her being all the way out in Florida.

My favorite part of their video: The little girl in the middle at the 1:26 mark that is who isn't even trying to dance, precious!


Anonymous said...

Jessica Thompson would be my pick just because she is the only contestant that doesn't seem fake and is someone that any man would want to take home to meet the family. She seems beautiful inside and out and seems like she would be the perfect mother and is obviously smart with her finances.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you can say that Brittany Brown is crazy when you have no idea how she really is.

Anonymous said...

Catie Shaw is the complete package. Woot Woot!

Kylee said...

From one writer/blogger to another I just skimmed over a bunch of your posts and laughed out loud. I was entertained dude--that is not an easy feat.

I am currently wondering 2 things:
1.) Are you really as good looking as you protest
2.) Are you really as cocky as you sound (cause it works for the blog, but in real life...?)

MaleMormonMind said...

1.)I make vintage Brad Pitt look like Jabba the Hutt
2.)I actually tone it down in the blog so people won’t be turned off from reading more. BTW, I don’t think of myself as cocky. I prefer to think of myself as super awesome and super self-aware at the same time.

Jessica said...

Will you apply to be 1 of my dates if I get chosen to be the bachelorette? ��