Sunday, August 31, 2014

Estimating The Number Of Eligible Bachelorettes Part 2

So I moved out of Provo not too long ago. New city, new people, new opportunities, new love. I've been here long enough to have a decent feel of what the scene is like. Which means its time for another round of estimating! Estimating what you might ask? Estimating the number of eligible bachelorettes in my area. Link to my original version: here.

Alright, so first of all, there are 2 singles wards in my immediate vicinity. Of course, there are more if you are willing to travel some, but I'm not really the ward hopping type and I don't anticipate having the time to. Each ward has about 200 people in them.

Total YSA population= 400 sweater-less young people

But really only about half of those are truly active so....

400 YSA x 50% active = 200 stalwarts

Next we have to get rid of the dudes and shemales.

200 actives x 50% = 100 women in zion

Now let's adjust for age. I've never been into girls that are older than me. No real reason in particular. Its just how I roll (sorry all ya cougars!). Now for how young I will go. I honestly don't know. I feel like in some ways its an always changing floor. Gun to my head, right now I think I would say 20 is the youngest I would pursue (and only if they are mature for their age! haha). Let's just go with that. These wards are 18 to 30, with lets say an evenly distributed spread of girls across the ages. So I'm looking for girls in 5 years out the possible 12 year window.

100 righteous x (5/12) = 42 appropriately aged shemales, uh I mean females

I need to have a girl with an education and BYU-I doesn't count haha (but really). I really do want my wife to have a degree and talking to girls who haven't gone to school its not the same. Its like the intellectual sophistication is just not there. Boring. Besides, all my new colleagues/friends are all super smart kids that went to undergrad at like Ivy League schools and I would be horribly embarrassed if I dated a dumb girl. Which about a quarter this ward seems

42 not too ripe or too unripe girls - 10 girls I would be ashamed of = 32 nerds

Again the time has come to cut out the girls that I'm not attracted to. Not that any girl is ugly, I'm just not attracted to all of them. Every girl is a daughter of God and beautiful in her own way. Awesome now that we got the obligatory coddling over with, let me tell you things are rough here. You know that feeling you get when you see someone and you are like, "Daaaaang girl, you got fries with that shake?" Yeah I don't have that feeling anymore, or at least not since I've moved, or at least at least not at church. At BYU, I very scientifically determined I was attracted to approximately 25% of all girls. At my current location, I am going to be really generous and say 10% (this factors in the inevitable lowering of my standards after a several months). 

32 smart enough girls x 10% = 3.2 cute enough girls

Now how many of these cute girls are single at any given time. My limited experience would suggest that most of the decent looking girls already have a boyfriend/fiance, but let's say 50%.

3.2 sweet spot girls x 50% = 1.6 single cute girls

I'm going to stop there before I start getting into fractions. So according to my analysis, there should be 1 or 2 mormon-single-active-cute-smart-girls 20 to 25 years old in my area. You only need 1 right? Of course this doesn't really take into account any personality compatibility issues (or more important, music compatibility issues). But I'm feeling optimistic tonight. At least this theoretical girl shouldn't be hard to find right?

Wish me luck.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Reverse Tinder

So I honestly have never used Tinder, although I know how it works and find it intriguing. I just haven't felt the need or the desire to use it.

However, I was sitting with two of my female friends recently and they were on Tinder. It was funny to watch them go through and reject virtually every guy. Now neither of these girls is overly attractive, and they are both smart and nerdy. They were rejecting all these dudes that were right in their wheelhouse or maybe even "out of their league". I know the guys these two girls have dated before and they were nothing special in the looks department, usually just your run of the mill nerdy guys. So I was confused and I would ask why after each rejection but they rarely had an answer.

So I have a theory. My theory is that if they were to actually talk to some of these guys, that they would not reject nearly so many.

So I have an idea: Reverse Tinder! I think it would be more effective if the Tinder concept was reversed. First, you chat with people without knowing anything about them. Then if they seem cool from chatting, you can see their picture. Finally you can judge from there if you want to continue things.

I think this would be beneficial for both girls and boys.

Girls will reject less guys because the ice will be broken and they will be invested in the guys "personalities" or whatever girls see in guys.

For boys it will save them from themselves. I can't tell you how many times I'd be having a conversation with a hot girl and then think, "if this girl wasn't hot, I would totally think what she is saying is totally stupid". At the same time it would still give us the opportunity to filter girls on looks, which is what makes Tinder so awesome for guys (those pigs!).

Anyways, I call it Rednit and I will make millions!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Spectrum Of Boy-Crazy-Ness

There is a spectrum of girls that goes something like this:

Super Duper Boy-Crazy     <----------------------------------------->    Proud and Happy Cat Lady

We all know those boy-crazy ones, they usually start chasing the boys young and don't stop until they are married (usually sometime during their freshman year of college (preferably in the first semester)). It doesn't take much to spot one.

The extreme Cat Lady types on the other hand are harder to identify. It gets a little murkier on the not-caring-about-boys side. There are several confounding factors if you will. Age and ugliness force you over to the right side out of mental and emotional necessity. But some girls just seem to naturally be less boy crazy than others. Why? Maybe they are more mature? More ambitious/career-oriented? More asexual? Lesbehonest, maybe something else is going on? It's anyone's guess (my personal guess is the asexual one). 

Anyways, I try to watch out for both extremes.

The Boy-crazy ones you have to question their commitment/motivation (and question if you want to marry a freshman).

The Proud and Happy Cat Ladies are more dangerous though. Quagmires of emotion they are. This girl from my hometown was one. My first Post-mission crush. I had been friends with her older sister in high school. When I got home from my mission the older sister (a boy-crazy girl) was married and the younger sister was a freshmen. And she was the most adorable little thing you ever did see. I still remember the night I fell for her. It was a warm summer night and we were having a water balloon fight (unintentional rhyme!). I was about to throw one at her from point blank and she was about to throw one at me. For a second we locked eyes (What beautiful eyes!) and it was magical. And in the moment I was in LOVE! Aaaaaand then she nailed me right in the face.

In case you were wondering, I missed with my water balloon (on purpose of course).

After that I was in hot pursuit and eventually we had a little bit of a summer fling going. The problem was at the end of the summer she left to BYU JV, also known as BYU-Idaho, and I of course did not. So our little summer fling died. Even though I wanted it to continue. So actually the bigger problem was that she wasn't super into me (or at least not enough to have a long distance relationship). Which hurt my considerable ego a bit.

Luckily, time heals all wounds (except maybe decapitation) and I feel a lot better about that particular fail. In my defense, I was fresh off my mission and my game was super rusty. I was an awkward RM (relatively speaking, my awkward RM self is to normal people, what normal people are to me now) and I couldn't expect to bag the first hot freshmen I came across. Also making me feel better is that since then, she has had zero boyfriends. In fact she has never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy. I was the closest thing she ever had to a relationship. According to her friends and family (who are my volunteer spies since they all want her to marry me), she hasn't even tried.

She has graduated college now and still nothing. You cannot go that long and look that good and not have any interest in having a boyfriend by not being far to the right on our spectrum (triple negative for the win!).

So that made me feel better about myself, until I started worrying that maybe I had turned her off from boys. OMG! What if my awkward RM self ruined boys for her! So that made me feel bad again, until I started thinking that maybe I was just so awesome no boys since have been able to compare. OMG! I am amazing!

Anyways we still talk when we are both in town. Honestly I still have a crush on her a little bit. I can't help it, its like every time I go home there is a trap waiting for me. If she liked me or some other guy I could get out, but she just doesn't. And that's why the girls to the right of the spectrum are the worst, they won't break your heart, they don't care enough too.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

That Feeling

I think most of us have had the feeling. The feeling of being left behind, the feeling of missing out, the feeling of arriving at the party too late.

fail animated GIF

My best friend from college just got engaged.

I'm not going to lie. It was a shocker. I was totally not expecting it (I was supposed to get married before him!). Of course this is not out of the ordinary. I went to BYU after all. I have watched  many most all my friends/roommates get married over the years, but none of those really affected me like this or really much at all. This is different. This guy was the rock upon which my bachelor foundation was built. And now that rock is gone, and my house is built upon sand, and when the rain comes down, the floods come up, shiz goes down.

I would like to believe, as everyone likes to believe, that they are not effected by their peers. That we are independent and in control of ourselves and don't carry what everyone else is doing!........But that's a bold-faced lie. If all our peers get married, it signals to us that we should also get married. All our friends are having babies, well its time to start having babies. Now we don't immediately do everything our peers do, but the pressure is there, sub-consciously or not. It's powerful. We take cues from those around us, its impossible not to.

Luckily in my new non-BYU/Provo life, I have an awesome group of roommates. But how long will that last? Don't get me wrong I want to get married, we all want to get married. I just don't want to rush into any hasty decisions or get married just because. At the same time, if I run out of cool roommates due to them getting married, my quality of life as a bachelor will suffer.

I was on vacation last week and I read 1 novel a day for the first 4 days. They all had prominent death and love themes. Its been messing with my mind.

I don't want to be alone.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

So I Heard That Male Mormon Men Are Horrible And Its The Church's Fault

A little while ago, I read an article entitled "For College-Age Mormons, Sexual Violence Is a Religious Problem" (I'm not going to include a link out of spite). Despite it being a stupid article that looked for the sensational story more than it looked for the objective and accurate one, it did make me think. And what better place to put my thoughts than here?

The main assertion/accusation from the article:

"In the Mormon community, teenage boys and girls are taught that preventing sexual violence is a woman’s responsibility. To preserve the morality of men, a woman must closely monitor how she dresses and speaks and acts."

There are two different sub-assertions within this assertion. First, that (the victims) girls are taught that it is their responsibility to prevent sexual violence.

Is that true?

Well I honestly don't know. Its embarrassing to admit, but I have not attended that many relief society or young women lessons (although not for lack of trying haha). Although its hard for me to imagine that it is common practice to tell our women folk that its their fault if they get assaulted and they better be righteous or else the bogey sexual assault man will get them (at the same time, I wouldn't put it past an overzealous young women's leader somewhere from trying to use that scare tactic).

Then there is the whole modesty issue. I can see how women could interpret it to mean that they are responsible for a guy's libido. "You should to dress modestly, to help men avoid temptation", but everyone knows or should know that would be a secondary reason to dress modestly.

Just for the record, I think everyone should make their own choices on what they wear and I do not condemn anyone for being modest or not modest or whatever. But at the same time, being modest absolutely helps men avoid temptation. When I first arrived at BYU from outside Mormondom, I was astonished how modest the girls were and how much that really did help me keep "pure thoughts". So there's that...

Now are boys (the perpetrators) taught that it's the girls responsibility to prevent sexual violence/sexual sinning?

Heck no. We are taught it is our fault. Its always that we are responsible for everything and that we are the ones that will screw everything up and that we need to be better. Never once are we given anyone else to blame. Girls can help by being modest, but our actions are 100% our responsibility. So regardless if girls (the victims) are stretching logic and interpreting their helping us out by being modest as they are responsible for everything, the male (the supposed perpetrators doing all the bad stuff this article is complaining about) are absolutely not taught that and no guy I know has that mindset. Maybe a few sick crazies somewhere have sick crazy logic, but the vast majority do not. No sane guy would think, "oh girls are encouraged to be modest, so its their fault if I sexually assault her" That would be insane. (Let's be honest, modesty is about clothing, and what guy is thinking about clothing that much?)

Interestingly enough, I do think I was taught that girls are inherently more righteous than boys and therefore I assumed that they would be more vigilant when it came to putting on the brakes with physical relations. "AVOID THE HORIZONTAL HAZARDS!", I was told. I was actually surprised that often I had to be the one making sure things didn't get out of hand (or was I making sure things didn't get in hand? hmmm....)

To back up the assertion/accusation, the author of the article interviewed a very very representative sample of the BYU student population, also known as the students in BYU's Young Mormon Feminists group (The most representative of all BYU student groups). Many (or maybe just 3) had stories of boyfriends getting too frisky. One even said she was felt up one night and just laid there, without saying a word. Let's be clear, that is horrible what happened to her and the guy is to blame, but if you've been taught its your responsibility to keep men pure, why did you just lay there not moving or saying a word? If you really believe its your responsibility, you did a crappy job of fulfilling your perceived responsibility.

Sexual assault is a horrible and real problem, but if what my non-mormon friends tell me is true, then the frequency and intensity of the problem is so much greater at other universities. I've had non-mormon female friends telling me how crazy respectful LDS guys are compared to the other guys at their schools who expect to have sex after the first or second date and are often very aggressive about getting it. So the same religion and culture that's causing men to blame women for sexual assaults, is also causing men to be super respectful and not sexually aggressive? Riddle me that.

In my opinion, blaming the LDS religion for the sexual assaults would be almost as stupid as guys blaming women for the sexual assaults.

But I would love to hear some female thoughts on the matter.