Sunday, August 31, 2014

Estimating The Number Of Eligible Bachelorettes Part 2

So I moved out of Provo not too long ago. New city, new people, new opportunities, new love. I've been here long enough to have a decent feel of what the scene is like. Which means its time for another round of estimating! Estimating what you might ask? Estimating the number of eligible bachelorettes in my area. Link to my original version: here.

Alright, so first of all, there are 2 singles wards in my immediate vicinity. Of course, there are more if you are willing to travel some, but I'm not really the ward hopping type and I don't anticipate having the time to. Each ward has about 200 people in them.

Total YSA population= 400 sweater-less young people

But really only about half of those are truly active so....

400 YSA x 50% active = 200 stalwarts

Next we have to get rid of the dudes and shemales.

200 actives x 50% = 100 women in zion

Now let's adjust for age. I've never been into girls that are older than me. No real reason in particular. Its just how I roll (sorry all ya cougars!). Now for how young I will go. I honestly don't know. I feel like in some ways its an always changing floor. Gun to my head, right now I think I would say 20 is the youngest I would pursue (and only if they are mature for their age! haha). Let's just go with that. These wards are 18 to 30, with lets say an evenly distributed spread of girls across the ages. So I'm looking for girls in 5 years out the possible 12 year window.

100 righteous x (5/12) = 42 appropriately aged shemales, uh I mean females

I need to have a girl with an education and BYU-I doesn't count haha (but really). I really do want my wife to have a degree and talking to girls who haven't gone to school its not the same. Its like the intellectual sophistication is just not there. Boring. Besides, all my new colleagues/friends are all super smart kids that went to undergrad at like Ivy League schools and I would be horribly embarrassed if I dated a dumb girl. Which about a quarter this ward seems


42 not too ripe or too unripe girls - 10 girls I would be ashamed of = 32 nerds

Again the time has come to cut out the girls that I'm not attracted to. Not that any girl is ugly, I'm just not attracted to all of them. Every girl is a daughter of God and beautiful in her own way. Awesome now that we got the obligatory coddling over with, let me tell you things are rough here. You know that feeling you get when you see someone and you are like, "Daaaaang girl, you got fries with that shake?" Yeah I don't have that feeling anymore, or at least not since I've moved, or at least at least not at church. At BYU, I very scientifically determined I was attracted to approximately 25% of all girls. At my current location, I am going to be really generous and say 10% (this factors in the inevitable lowering of my standards after a several months). 

32 smart enough girls x 10% = 3.2 cute enough girls

Now how many of these cute girls are single at any given time. My limited experience would suggest that most of the decent looking girls already have a boyfriend/fiance, but let's say 50%.

3.2 sweet spot girls x 50% = 1.6 single cute girls

I'm going to stop there before I start getting into fractions. So according to my analysis, there should be 1 or 2 mormon-single-active-cute-smart-girls 20 to 25 years old in my area. You only need 1 right? Of course this doesn't really take into account any personality compatibility issues (or more important, music compatibility issues). But I'm feeling optimistic tonight. At least this theoretical girl shouldn't be hard to find right?

Wish me luck.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What are the chances this theoretical girl will like you?

Joe said...

You, sir, are hilarious. I got off my mission a year ago and am now starting my junior year at BYU and have been reading your blog all along. The Male Mormon Mind has added hilarity in a wonderful tongue-in-cheek way to all the routines of dating and ward and campus life around here. I wish you luck in your future endeavors outside of Happy Valley and I hope you find those 1.6 girls that are just right for you.