Sunday, August 17, 2014

Spectrum Of Boy-Crazy-Ness

There is a spectrum of girls that goes something like this:

Super Duper Boy-Crazy     <----------------------------------------->    Proud and Happy Cat Lady

We all know those boy-crazy ones, they usually start chasing the boys young and don't stop until they are married (usually sometime during their freshman year of college (preferably in the first semester)). It doesn't take much to spot one.

The extreme Cat Lady types on the other hand are harder to identify. It gets a little murkier on the not-caring-about-boys side. There are several confounding factors if you will. Age and ugliness force you over to the right side out of mental and emotional necessity. But some girls just seem to naturally be less boy crazy than others. Why? Maybe they are more mature? More ambitious/career-oriented? More asexual? Lesbehonest, maybe something else is going on? It's anyone's guess (my personal guess is the asexual one). 

Anyways, I try to watch out for both extremes.

The Boy-crazy ones you have to question their commitment/motivation (and question if you want to marry a freshman).

The Proud and Happy Cat Ladies are more dangerous though. Quagmires of emotion they are. This girl from my hometown was one. My first Post-mission crush. I had been friends with her older sister in high school. When I got home from my mission the older sister (a boy-crazy girl) was married and the younger sister was a freshmen. And she was the most adorable little thing you ever did see. I still remember the night I fell for her. It was a warm summer night and we were having a water balloon fight (unintentional rhyme!). I was about to throw one at her from point blank and she was about to throw one at me. For a second we locked eyes (What beautiful eyes!) and it was magical. And in the moment I was in LOVE! Aaaaaand then she nailed me right in the face.

In case you were wondering, I missed with my water balloon (on purpose of course).

After that I was in hot pursuit and eventually we had a little bit of a summer fling going. The problem was at the end of the summer she left to BYU JV, also known as BYU-Idaho, and I of course did not. So our little summer fling died. Even though I wanted it to continue. So actually the bigger problem was that she wasn't super into me (or at least not enough to have a long distance relationship). Which hurt my considerable ego a bit.

Luckily, time heals all wounds (except maybe decapitation) and I feel a lot better about that particular fail. In my defense, I was fresh off my mission and my game was super rusty. I was an awkward RM (relatively speaking, my awkward RM self is to normal people, what normal people are to me now) and I couldn't expect to bag the first hot freshmen I came across. Also making me feel better is that since then, she has had zero boyfriends. In fact she has never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy. I was the closest thing she ever had to a relationship. According to her friends and family (who are my volunteer spies since they all want her to marry me), she hasn't even tried.

She has graduated college now and still nothing. You cannot go that long and look that good and not have any interest in having a boyfriend by not being far to the right on our spectrum (triple negative for the win!).

So that made me feel better about myself, until I started worrying that maybe I had turned her off from boys. OMG! What if my awkward RM self ruined boys for her! So that made me feel bad again, until I started thinking that maybe I was just so awesome no boys since have been able to compare. OMG! I am amazing!

Anyways we still talk when we are both in town. Honestly I still have a crush on her a little bit. I can't help it, its like every time I go home there is a trap waiting for me. If she liked me or some other guy I could get out, but she just doesn't. And that's why the girls to the right of the spectrum are the worst, they won't break your heart, they don't care enough too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just marry her.