Sunday, August 10, 2014

That Feeling

I think most of us have had the feeling. The feeling of being left behind, the feeling of missing out, the feeling of arriving at the party too late.

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My best friend from college just got engaged.

I'm not going to lie. It was a shocker. I was totally not expecting it (I was supposed to get married before him!). Of course this is not out of the ordinary. I went to BYU after all. I have watched  many most all my friends/roommates get married over the years, but none of those really affected me like this or really much at all. This is different. This guy was the rock upon which my bachelor foundation was built. And now that rock is gone, and my house is built upon sand, and when the rain comes down, the floods come up, shiz goes down.

I would like to believe, as everyone likes to believe, that they are not effected by their peers. That we are independent and in control of ourselves and don't carry what everyone else is doing!........But that's a bold-faced lie. If all our peers get married, it signals to us that we should also get married. All our friends are having babies, well its time to start having babies. Now we don't immediately do everything our peers do, but the pressure is there, sub-consciously or not. It's powerful. We take cues from those around us, its impossible not to.

Luckily in my new non-BYU/Provo life, I have an awesome group of roommates. But how long will that last? Don't get me wrong I want to get married, we all want to get married. I just don't want to rush into any hasty decisions or get married just because. At the same time, if I run out of cool roommates due to them getting married, my quality of life as a bachelor will suffer.

I was on vacation last week and I read 1 novel a day for the first 4 days. They all had prominent death and love themes. Its been messing with my mind.

I don't want to be alone.

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