Sunday, September 21, 2014

I Got A Girl's Number!

So I got a girl's number this weekend. Her digits. The code to her telephone. The ability, nay the permission to call her anytime I so desire. Its my first of this new city I'm now living in.

Let's set the scene. I was invited by my (all non-member) colleagues to a party (because they love me and when you love someone, you invite them to parties). And I arrive about an hour into the party (because if you are cool, you are never the first one to show up to a party or the last one to leave) so there is quite a few people there already and they all yell my name when I walk in (because again, they love me). Most people are casually drinking but not everyone (of course not me) and its pretty chill, not rowdy and sloppy at all. So I was having a good time chatting with some guys when my good friend John arrives with a smoking hot blonde. And all the guys were like:

When you see a hot girl walk into a party

The night goes on and I get the details about The Blonde from one of my female colleagues. Supposedly The Blonde is John's off and on again "friends-with-benefits" ladyfriend. My informant also told me that she was not a fan of The Blonde. I wanted to ask if it was because The Blonde was super hot (and dressed immodestly), but I didn't because A) I didn't want to make her mad and B) I already knew the answer, of course its because she's a smoking hot!

Anyways, that was all good and fine, my curiosity had been assuaged. The night went on and The Blonde came over and started talking to me. It was weird, she still looked attractive, but as she was talking to me there was something wrong that I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Something that made her seem less visually attractive. Then I realized she was actually a dude, the pronouced Adam's apple should have been a dead give away (Haha not really, just keeping you on your toes). No really I realized that there was something wrong with her facial expressions. As time passed, I pin-pointed the disturbance in the force to her mouth. The thing didn't smile (or laugh). When it would have been the normal time for her mouth to smile or laugh, instead it looked like this.
(Just the mouth part)

I swear to you I am not making this up. It was the bizarre. The worst part was, the more I noticed that she couldn't smile, the more I couldn't stop smiling. At one point, she tries to tell John (who is now across the room) about how she and I have a mutual friend, but John doesn't seem to care. Which at first doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but then The Blonde gets all quiet and her face starts doing all kinds of weird crap. Honestly my first thought was that she might be having some kind of stroke or something. Then I thought maybe this was her face's attempt at crying (or maybe trying not crying). Either way, I felt bad. What if she had picked up on me almost laughing at her inability to laugh? But then she asked if she could have my number.

I didn't want to give it to her, but I also didn't want her face to explode from trying to express sadness. So I smoothly whipped out my phone and started a new contact so she would give me her number. Which she did (hopefully she didn't see me save it under the name, "She Who Can Not Smile") Then she started getting a little more flirty, but I pleaded fatigue and went home.

So yeah she probably had a bad plastic surgery job, maybe she has snaggle teeth, or maybe she really was going through a prolonged stroke through that whole sequence. I'll never know (at least until I ask John, or just call her and ask haha).

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