Sunday, October 12, 2014

Free John!

We’ve all been there. You'll be watching a movie on your couch, eating your chips (or whatever is your snack of choice), minding your own business and all of a sudden your roommate and his/her BF/GF join you on the couch. And next thing you know you are in one of these situations:

 You suddenly realize you have all the snacks to yourself.

Especially if you happen to be single, these overly affectionate roommates can be quite annoying. In which case you can just pull one of these:

pda animated GIF

That will teach them!

But dear friends, that is not my current problem. My problem is actually the opposite. My roommate, John, who is an absolute stud (do people still say "stud"?) has a girlfriend. She’s a cool, attractive girl. He’s a cool attractive dude. But I’m not sure if they find each other attractive. Let me esplain:

Last week the three of us were watching conference at our apartment, they on the couch. Me at our table, eating my chips like a boss. At some point I realized that John and his girlfriend were not touching. Like they weren't on opposite sides of couch or anything. They were relatively close to each other, they just were not touching. Which seemed weird to me. No touching at all? Not even a little cuddling? You could totally fit a Book of Mormon in between those two.

Okay maybe they were just being sensitive to me being there, even though I was not on the couch with them. But then I though back and I couldn't remember ever seeing them snuggling, kissing or holding hands. I started to paying a borderline creepy level of attention to their affection to each other. I might have even purposely came home late while they were watching a movie together on our couch, just to see if I could catch them showing any signs off affection. Nothing. So then I went to my room and after a while popped my head back in the living room unannounced to check on them again. Just tying to sneak a peak at any evidence of attraction between those two.

Owl Gif animated GIF

Sadly, in the whole week of intense observation I only saw a brief side hug as they parted. A SIDE HUG FOR HEAVENS SAKE! Side hugs are for relatives you don't like and friends that smell bad.

Important to note they have been dating for over 6 months, and I know they kissed at least once (he told me, it was shortly after they started dating (OMG, maybe he lied?). But they are either keeping it super discreet, or are just not affectionate at all. Maybe because they both are happy with that level of affection (aka zero affection) or maybe they could be just trying to stay pure (seems like what they are doing is overkill).

Either way its is bothering me. When I examine why its bothering me so much and why I don't just mind my own business, I can think of 3 reasons:

  1. I really have a hard time believing that it is John driven, and so I just feel bad that John, a good friend and a true bro, is being deprived of any physical affection.
  2. When I have girlfriends, or even sometimes just girls I'm hanging out with, I cuddle with them during movies! Sometime (okay a lot of times) I even make out with them! And I enjoy it by golly! I don't want to be ashamed if I ever have a girlfriend and John is still my roommate.
  3. Again because I feel like John wants to be more affectionate but his GF is putting a stop to it, I just don't want to live in a world where that is an option. I don't want to fall for some cool attractive girl and then we start dating only to find out she won't touch me. For all of HotAngry's faults (like being a lying whore), she was super affectionate and I LOVED that about her. If I have to choose between crazy girls that will be affectionate and non-crazy ones that don't want to even do the lightest of cuddling, that's a bleak future.
This is what happens when I don't have any relationships of my own to analyze, I start analyzing my roommates' relationships. All I can say is: FREE JOHN!


Elizabeth Downie said...

haha, I love the image of you (whoever you are) eating chips and noticing the lack of affection.

have you considered just asking John about it?

Carlie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.