Sunday, December 21, 2014

Feeding Frenzy

Something I have noticed being in this new ward of slim pickings, whenever there is a new/visiting girl that is attractive, guys just lose it. Like as soon as the last syllable of the closing prayer ends its just a horde of dudes bum rushing the poor girl. Total feeding frenzy.

Not unlike this one with monkeys and potatoes in Japan:

monkey animated GIF

I actually think its embarrassing. I am much too prideful to ever join such a display but sometimes I want to join just to hear what has to be wonderfully awkward conversations. Like how is a conversation not awkward when you are trying to talk to a girl and there is 5 other guys joining in and 5 more lurking nearby waiting for their chance.

It so blatant I just know the girls in the ward have to hate it.

So today a new guy sat near me in church and we started to chat. We had a good number of mutual friends from BYU and we both were from the same state and became fast friends. Also I'm not the best judge of these things, but it seemed to me that he was a very attractive looking dude (another thing we have in common).

I quickly thought that this would be my chance to see if the sisters in the ward were as dejected with their selection of men in the ward as the brothers apparently are with their selection of women.

I have to give the ladies credit, they didn't immediately surround the dude (although I wouldn't expect that from coy Mormon girls), but I did see a large number of girls giving my new friend the eyes in not so subtle ways.


And as church progressed, more and more of them worked up the nerve to actually talk to him. To the point that I think it is safe to say that the girls in the ward were not especially different from the boys. Now the question is, with not a lot of dating going on and so many people just salivating at the idea of any new person, what is fundamentally wrong with this ward?

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Kind Of Girl I Want To Marry

First let’s be clear, I'm very picky when it comes to girls. There are all kinds of attributes I look for in girls (for example: she needs to have a BMI of at most 7, an ACT score of at least 37, and exactly 10 fingers (All reasonable and quantifiably objective demands)).

Well that stuff is all fine and good but I learned a valuable lesson on my mission that has stuck with me to this day about the kind of girl I want to marry.

Story time:

My first day at the MTC I was made the district leader of my district and I was only 18 at the time (this was before it was cool to go on your mission at 18). In my district were 3 companionships of elders (one of which was a threesome) and 2 companionships of sisters (one of which was a threesome). Something very stereotypical happened: the threesome of sisters did not get along. In fact, they hated each other. The other companionship of sisters also had problems, but nothing like those three. And I, the 18 year old straight out of high school, had to deal with their crap. IT WAS INSANITY I TELL YOU.

The biggest thing I took away from this experience was how each sister reacted to stress. They were all under stress from being separated from their friends/families/boyfriends, having to learn a new language, and deal with new people/rules/environments. That was understandable and legitimate. But thing is we were all in the same boat, we all were feeling the same stresses more or less, but different people reacted differently.

Three of the sisters seemed to be of the opinion that because they were stressed and having to do a hard thing, it was now everyone’s problem and everyone needed to suffer. It was license for them to be horrible to other people and hilariously selfish. Instead of trying to solve their problems or (heaven forbid) help others, they were hell bent on making everything worse.

It blew my mind. I was flabbergasted that people would act that way.

Two of the sisters were awesome. Not freaking out, actively trying to solve problems, not putting their problems above everyone else’s, trying to reach out their companions, helping others.

Now for the craziest part. For like the first week I thought all the sisters were awesome. I had no idea. I couldn't tell which ones were horrible and which ones were awesome.

End of story time.

Do you know how scary that is? As much as we all complain about dates, they are pretty low stress affairs. You don’t get to see the stressed out side of people very easily. The person has to be both comfortable with you and stressed out to show you their true colors. (Also, I know this a thing with both genders, although in my limited experience it seems to be more pronounced and scary (lolz, but really) in females).

The problem is finding what kind of person my date is before I get too involved with them. So far my strategy of purposely getting into a car “accident” on the first date has not been very effective due to a high fatality rate (it HAS turned out to be an effective test of who wears seatbelts (I DO!)) and besides it’s so darn expensive. 

Okay that’s a lie, I have not resorted to manufacturing stress during dates, although it’s tempting. But I do actually welcome stressful situations on dates, because aren’t dates supposed to be for getting to know each other? Well take my word for it, you don’t know someone until you have seen them stressed.

Also, wear your seat belt. Always a good idea.