Monday, June 22, 2015

Operation Charm Offensive Part 1

So I ended up voicing some of my concerns from the previous post with Opera (the mature thing to do) but in a understated way so it didn't seem like I cared toooo much (less mature). Then I became less and less worried about those specific issues over the next few days. I decided that by overthinking things I would only screw myself over. Besides the whole time she still insisted that I come visit her for Memorial day, so there must be some hope right?  

Anyways, the night of my flight I was fairly freaked out about finally seeing her. I hadn’t see her in two years. What if I'm not attracted to her anymore? What if it is horribly awkward? What if her parents don't like me? What if I am allergic to her cat and I get puffy eyes and the sniffles for my whole trip?  I tried to lower my expectations, but I was really sweating it the whole plane ride over. 


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Funny thing though, when I finally see her across the terminal, I was just so happy to see her, I didn’t even think about all the stuff I had been stressing out about during the plane ride over. It was so natural and easy.
We went straight from the airport to dinner with her parents. Why not? WHY THE FREAK NOT? The mom was super nice and we got off to a great start, it was all warm hugs and big smiles. The dad of course was colder/more intimidating. The first story he told was how he got one of his coworkers fired (and probably ruined his career) for what seemed to be a minor offense. Upon finishing the story he laughed a little (the only time he did all night) and then immediately continued to stare intensely at me.


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Honestly though he seemed to warm up to me by the end of the dinner (and Opera later confirmed that he is actually a big fan of yours truly). I appeared that the dad mostly liked me because 1) I'm on a very prestigious/lucrative career path and 2) I’m not Opera’s ex-boyfriend who he hated with a vengeance. Parents always love me.
So although I won the parents over, it was a little stressful as they (pretty much just the dad) asked me questions nonstop about my career, my family, my medical history and if I ever worked as a male stripper (answer: only once and it was for a good cause). Like the dude is super-duper opinionated about the most random things.  Answering his questions felt like walking in a mine field, I was always afraid that one of my answers would be one of the things that sets him off. 
After dinner we go to play games at her family’s best friend’s house so I get to meet like 10 more people who question me about my history as member of the Thunder Down Under. Me and all these people I just met and who are obviously sizing me up start playing these ridiculous games where you have to act things out and yell a lot and do all kinds of silly things. Pretty much a dream come true for me.
Then Opera and I go to the local YSA dance because she had promised someone she would stop by. When we get there Opera is instantly bombarded by people wanting to talk with her while I stand there smiling like a fool. I got to meet like literally 5 different guys that she had gone on dates with (I gave them all EXTRA firm handshakes, like I was literally trying to break their hands, and with one really skinny guy I think I succeeded). There was even this one recently engaged girl that would not stop hugging Opera. It was 10 minutes of solid hugging, and then she walked away only to come back 10 minutes later for another 10 minute embrace. Also, absolutely no one was dancing at this thing, just a bunch of standing people while the saddest DJ you've seen worked his heart out. Super weird. 

Anyways the dance ended, or should I say the stand ended :), and we talked in her car for a while, and the night was wrapping up, and I wanted to just reach over and grab her face and kiss it. 

But I didn't.

I didn't want to jump the gun or rush things. Too much downside at that point. Besides, it was only my first night, if I was to be rejected, I would prefer it to be later in the trip so I didn't have 3 whole awkward days to hang out with her and her family.

No, my game plan for the rest of the weekend was to take it slow, nice and easy like.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Trouble In Paradise

Sorry for being AWOL. Its been a whirlwind month. I had started a post but never finished it, so its a little dated and a lot has happened since I wrote it, but here it is below:

So visiting Opera and her family was Opera's idea. Let's make that very clear. When she first suggested it, I was like, "HAHA are you serious?' and when she confirmed that she was serious I said that its an awesome idea, but are you sure you want our first meeting in 2 years that will honestly make or break our relationship to have the added pressure of me meeting your family and staying with them for 3 days straight?

She said of course she is sure and not to worry about it. And so I didn't worry about it. At least until a few days later, when I asked again if she was still sure. I even suggested that we could always meet in a more casual and less pressured situation (like literally any other situation, like maybe in Iraq or in a shark tank for example). Again, she assured me that everything was fine.

So I tried not to worry about it leading up to the actual event, I really did. But I did ask a few more times leading up to the weekend. Then I bought my plane ticket, stopped asking and went on my merry way. We continued talking for hours every night and planning our future together and it was great.
 
About a week before Memorial day we were skyping and things took a hard left. Hard left. She started the conversation by very casually talking about how anti-relationship she is at this point of her life and how she's dreading ever seriously dating someone or can't imagine getting married And I was like:
 
 
Seriously, I was thinking: you wanted me to go home with you for memorial day weekend, you want to talk on the phone every night, you always are complaining that I live so far away, you can't stop talking about stuff we would do if we were dating. It just doesn't compute.
 
But no, she tells me that night she has horrible commitment issues. Not only that, but she never thought I would actually come and visit her for freaking Memorial day weekend. She is scared and worried about me coming to visit. Even though I asked her if she was sure on a dozen separate occasions and gave her a ton of chances to back off the invite before I took it seriously.
 
Honestly the biggest shock is that I had thought I was in control of the situation. I thought she was practically in love with me and on-board to start dating right away while I was the one pumping the brakes. Instead, all of a sudden she is the one that needs convincing and needs to be won over. 

And the craziest thing is I have a sudden urge to convince her! A minute ago I wasn't 100% sure about the relationship and now I'm sure and need get her to 100% sure, all because she isn't 100% sure. Its ridiculous how in modern dating (and maybe also in the late Bronze Age dating) who ever cares less has the power. I thought I had all the power, it turns out she actually has all the power. really I'm getting a taste of my own medicine and I don't like tasting my own medicine, it doesn't taste good at all. It tastes like sadness and disappointment. I both want her more and resent her for flipping things on me.
 
The worst part is that now I'm starting to doubt myself.  Should I start playing mind games with her? Do I need to start playing harder to get, regain some of the power and put her back on the defensive to keep her interested? Should I be open and tell her all this stuff I'm telling the internet right now or do I just play it cool?
 
All our interactions were so natural and easy up this point, but now its gone back to the crap that goes on with every other girl I've been interested in.

I thought everything was going so smoothly, I must have missed something at some point.

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