Sunday, November 1, 2015

Back in the Saddle!

So it had been awhile since I had gone on a date. Too long probably. I knew I had to move on and I felt like I was ready to move on. I just hadn’t yet really made it official by jumping back into the dating pool and going on a date. I needed to get back into the saddle so to speak.

back animated GIF

 Putin, my role model

The first problem was finding someone I wanted to go on a date with. Pretty difficult since I’m picky and the options in my ward are pretty sparse. Luckily one week there was a girl (who we will call Tattoo girl because she had more tattoos than the average Mormon girl (aka any tattoos)) from a different ward that was visiting our ward. She sat next to me an chatted me up a little. I didn’t think much of it. Later I noticed her making serious eyes at me during a different church event.

owl animated GIF

We only got to chat for a little bit, but the very next Sunday she was back in our ward (which I took as a sign she was interested) and she sat next to me again (which I took as a sign that she wanted my bod). Unfortunately she also brought her friend this time, who was super aggressive and flirty. It was like the new friend was boxing out (female equivalent of cock-blocking) Tattoo Girl and it was real awkward. It was even more awkward when I only asked for Tattoo girl’s number after church.

Even though I got her number, I wasn't sure I actually wanted to ask her out (I know, bad form). She just was not my normal type, but at the same time I did not have any better prospects on the horizon. So I ended up asking her out that same night.

The awkwardness continued the next day at FHE. I arrived a little bit late (as is fashionable) and walked in to find my friend Brett chatting up Tattoo girl (her friend from the day before was not around this time for some reason).  I found a seat and watched as Brett worked his game on Tattoo girl and eventually get her number. At  the same time another girl, Sarah, starts talking to me and I notice my other friend, Sam (who I know has a huge crush on Sarah) watch us talk.
Just in case anyone is lost, let's breakdown this awkward love rectangle:
  • Brett was hitting on Tattoo girl (who I wanted to be talking to and who I am pretty sure is very interested in me (cuz who isn't?) and kept looking over at me)
  • I was watching those two while Sarah (who I am not interested in) was being very persistent talking to me
  • Sam (who is very interested in Sarah) was watching us
  • And for all I know some other girl was probably looking longingly at Sam (as he looked at Sarah, who was talking to me, who was looking at Tattoo girl, who was talking to Brett).
At that moment I found a new reason to hate being single again. It all seemed very weird and inefficient. I didn’t like it. I wasn’t even mad at Brett, he had no idea I had asked out Tattoo girl the night before. Heck, I barely convinced myself to ask her out in the first place, and I wanted Brett to find love and all that good stuff. I was almost more afraid that I might be accidently screwing up Brett’s chance with her (because she was probably already in love with me, cuz who isn't (besides my last two girlfriends)). Then there was poor Sam with his puppy eyes. And on top of that there is the hypothetically girl pining after Sam. Its enough to break your heart.

Anyways the day of the date comes around and I’m dreading it real bad. I have zero desire to go on that date and was real angry with myself for getting in this situation. If I was a bad person I would have cancelled on her.
But I didn’t. I bit the bullet and picked her up like a man, exactly on time like a man (I actually was accidently like 10 minutes early because it was way quicker and easier to find her apartment than I expected and had to do the awkward creeper wait outside and then act like I just got there thing). Then we went to dinner and had a fine time. It was great, but why was it great?
Was it how she looked? No.

Was it how stimulating the conversation was? Nope.

Honestly it was how on my game I was. I feel like I was spitting hot fire! So smooth and so funny, not awkward at all. I would guess that this is exactly how a pitcher would feel if he came back from an injury and pitched a no-hitter.
 Chad Qualls falls on Twitpic

So will I ask her out again? Well probably, if only to marvel at own dating abilities and how incredibly not awkward this whole process is.

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